2015 - Please be careful with my heart...

A look back to 2013 and 2014

- Change job and take a really stressful and challenging one? Check!

- Prepare for a wedding? Check.
- Be married and stay married? Check!
- Pregnant? CHECK!!!
- Give Birth? Check.
- Breastfeed exclusively for 6 months while working? Check.
- Take care of a newborn? Check.
- Buy a house? Check.
- Renovate a house? Check.

I have changed job just before getting married. My sister and some of my friends tried to stop me from taking it because they probably understood what was ahead of me after I get married but back then, I just couldn't pass it up. In hindsight, I can't deny that my now not so new job nearly sent me over the edge as it was probably 10x more stressful and more challenging than my previous one but I also know that if I didn't take it, I would probably have moved on to something else anyways. So who knows? No regrets, they say.

Beyond changing my job, the rest came barrelling in as a package. Married, pregnant, new house. Stressful, yes. Maddening, oh yeah. Will I choose otherwise? Hell, no. 

Despite the obvious difficulties that came with all the changes, I battled on because it was for something precious, the gift of family. The gift that is my husband. The gift that is my child. 

They say that people get married because "kelangan mo ng katuwang sa buhay". Well, totoo nga. I couldn't have chosen a better man to stand beside me thru all this. My husband kept me sane, propped me up, made me smile, and led our little family on as we started a life together. Rafa was at the centre of it all. His smiling presence in our life bonded us even more. He gave us purpose, something to look forward to. 

At the end of a full day of work, both Rommel and I rush home, not mindful of the work we left behind because we have a home to go home to. A bundle of joy awaits our embrace. Family time is precious. Every minute inspires us to move forward, to dream further. This time, there are no grand dreams of glory but pursuits of happiness, in whatever form it takes as long as it is with family.

Our family is so blessed. My husband reminds me of this every time I begin to sweat on the small stuff. We have gone thru a journey in the past 2 years that we probably won't go thru again (save maybe for another baby - yes, but maybe not so soon until I'm fit again to have one and when God decides to bless us again).  

2015

What do I feel right now?

If I am honest, I'd say I am very relieved the major ones have now been ticked off. I am very grateful for all that we went thru but I am but human and 35 at that. All the stress has taken a bit of a toll on my body, on my being. 

For 2015, all I want is to relish, to enjoy all that we have right now. I want to go on a lot of dates with my husband and get to know him more. I can't seem to tire of his presence, really =) I am not exaggerating here as I probably won't believe anyone who says this but I continue to be in awe of my husband . I like him more now than when we were dating, than when we were boyfriend-girlfriend, than when we were engaged. Living with him everyday is an affirmation that I have been given the gift of a wonderful husband. What a blessing! A blessing I never want to take for granted.

For Rafa, I want 2015 to be the year where I can be the mother I can be. No, I don't intend to be one of those super moms who can do everything perfectly. All I want is to love my son to the fullest. I have long accepted the fact that as a working mom with a super stressful job, I can't spend a lot of time with him. But my intent is that if all I have is a minute, I will make sure it counts. I will have attention only for him because I want to touch his heart as he has touched mine. 

And lastly, I have so much to live for. Beyond my little family, I've got my ageing parents, my sister, my nephew, brother in law and all my friends from all over. I wish to be given enough time to touch their hearts (more gently and more meaningfully this time sans my temper). And I know I can only live longer with everyone if I take care of my own health. This year, I have much to accomplish health wise. My dramatic weight gain (hubby included, hehe) and the stress all around me has gone to my heart - I have elevated blood pressure which I wish to get rid of. It's not just the food, not just the exercise which I intend to change. I think it's more important for me to manage stress better as I know that when I'm stressed, I don't eat well and don't exercise.

Writing in this blog is my first step towards this mission. I need a clear mind, a gentle heart to get me thru this mission this 2015. So please 2015, please be careful with my heart =)